LGBTMFX Bathrooms.

What the hell are we talking about?  Bathroom preferences for sexual non-conformists in some bar in North Carolina?

By now, most of us know what LGBT stands for--the awkward acronym slides off the tongue of every TV host as easily as a greased pig slips through your arms at the county fair. (For those of you who don't know what the letters T-V stand for, LGBT stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender).

LGBT is called a "community," although I fail to see how millions of unique people living thousands of miles apart qualify as a community. I guess they mean internet community. It's not like there is an L, a G, a B and a T on the street where you live--probably a lot of Ms and Fs, with an occasional surreptitious visitation from an X.

I added the M and the F to the familiar acronym to cover Male and Female, which would represent my "community," I guess, but I'm really not intimate with a lot of them, and I certainly wouldn't want to share a bed with most of them. The X stands for unknown, but it may involve sheep on a hillside or horses in a barn, so I won't talk about that.

If you have doubts about your gender, or which "community" you belong to, search between your legs for a clue. I'd call that a good start, although you may not want to settle for the evidence--suit yourself.

How ridiculous do we get?

This debate is only appropriate for two obnoxious patrons at a local bar. but we're hearing it on national news programs and among legislative jackasses in government. Nobody cares when a homosexual comes into a public bathroom, and if you're a really good transgender, nobody would know it anyway. As for the children, what are they doing in a lousy public restroom without supervision in the first place?

For perfect privacy, go home. Otherwise, restaurants will have to set up a line of private bathrooms like a row of porta-potties along the dining room, and we'll all pay for it in the check--until we decide that eating out is too expensive and all the restaurants go out of business.

I've heard somewhere that "this is a solution in search of a problem," and the saying has the ring of truth. I'm sure the disputes are extremely rare and can be resolved one at a time in any local setting. If you have special needs, you can always patronize The Pink Petunia Gourmet Lounge or Bullmoose Bill's Bar and Grill. The real problem is that somehow, somewhere along the way, we gave the government--state and federal--the power to decide such matters for everyone. "Problems" are, of course, the lifeblood of lucrative government office, where politicians can promise to solve anything.

Why don't we follow the axiom, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."

Otherwise, if you want to go on a Crusade, get on your horse and get out of town. Jerusalem beckons.

The Worst Generation.

Check out how the various generations living today look to very savvy businessmen, marketing professionals at Marketing Teacher.com, dominated by some insightful, and  perhaps extravagant impressions of my own:

The oldest people still alive in 2016 belong to the GI Generation (born 1901-1926), famously known as The Greatest Generation. As kids, they survived the deprivations of the Great Depression, then went to war and crushed European and Asian fascists in World War II, doing away with Hitler, Mussolini and Tojo, all.

This old generation were great customers. They preferred to save and pay cash rather than go into debt, and they had a strong sense of morality and personal responsibility. They worked hard to get ahead and pay the bills, and so ushered in a renewed American affluence. They actually remember watching their parents living without airplanes, radio and TV, still worrying about food, clothing and shelter, so you can't sell them virtuoso technology like Google Glasses, which would just cause them to bump into walls.

Hey, it's okay. They're old.

Their kids became part of the Silent Generation, born 1927-1945, the first generation to take American affluence for granted. They are the richest, most free-spending generation in history, enjoying peace and good jobs enough to buy TVs, rock'n roll, flashy cars and Playboy magazine. They fought the Korean War to a stalemate and tried to conform to their parents' moral values. They could afford to indulge in social causes like racial equality and feminism, sewing the seeds for overdue civil rights and bra burning. You can sell them anything.

Fast forward to 2016, to Generation Z, the Boomlets (born 2001-on), our little babies. It's a huge bubble coming along the rubber hose of history (how's that for aggrandized metaphors?). And look: it's 49% Hispanic. Up until 2006, the most common last name in the United States was Smith--now it's Rodriguez. To make a sale, think Spanish.

Mattel. the iconic creators of action toys like airplanes, trucks and dolls, had to change their target market from 10 years old in the 1990s to 3 years old in 2000. The kids want technology. Don't worry about giving them action fun or teaching them math, just sell them a faster calculator and a new video--plus a new website for music and socializing. My suggestion would be for a site based on lyrics from a Prince song, "Crazy Nutsite" to reinforce their right to party. The results remain to be seen.

Before them came Generation Y, the Millenniums (born 1981-2000), aka the Echo Boomers. Naturally, they took for granted the affluence of their parents, including video games that could knock your eyes out and solid gold trophies for tiddlywink tournaments. They know that the world is not a very safe place, but they don't take it too seriously because they have never experienced conscription into the military for The Big War.

If you want to sell them something, do it on the internet because that's where they waste most of their time browsing and socializing. They need hand-holding, so keep them reassured as you sell them fulfillment in the form of hoodies and a better smart phone.

Generation X, which came before Y.... These gems were born 1965-1980.

Who are these people? I'm not sure I ever met one, but the marketing experts say they go to a lot of Rock concerts. They are notorious for trying to "find themselves," and I hope they do--because I can't find them.

Let us flash back to the Boomers, born 1946-1964, aka the Me Generation, the last children of the Greatest Generation and the first children of the Silent Generation. I call them the Worst Generation, and to my undying shame, I'm one of them. Heroically--and conscripted--some of us fought the war that nobody except geopolitical strategists in Washington DC wanted, dying by the tens of thousands without popular approval. You might also call them the Entitlement Generation because the luxuries of affluence had morphed into all kinds of new entitlements. President Franklin Roosevelt laid the groundwork with his famous advocacy of what he called the "Four Freedoms," notably the "freedom from want," and the "freedom from fear."

What? I'm supposed to have my "wants" satisfied, and my "fears" eliminated--by the federal government? I can get whatever I "want" from somebody else? I can get my food from a farmer because the government will force him to give it to me? If I'm afraid of a bully, I can have him arrested? If I "fear" thunderstorms, the government is supposed to prevent them? If my feelings are hurt, I can petition the government to stop all such "microaggressions"?

I could actually live in La-la Land--FREE?

The Boomers bought this agenda from their parents, who were mostly Roosevelt fans--the Four Freedoms and the good life, minimum wage, unemployment insurance, social security, food stamps, and everyday security for everyone--and they're passing this fantasy on to their kids. They are self-righteous and self-centered. They like to buy now and pay later. Of course, in the end, someone has to pay for all these luxuries, meaning someone will have to work and pay taxes for all the debt accumulated for my generation's government largess. This money is not just bullshit, as some economists think--just paper. Money represents exchange for labor, and somebody has to work for it, now or in the future.

That's you, Generation Y and Z.

Thanks kids.